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I woke up at 4 am yesterday to a text from my former landlord claiming charges to repaint the walls in my condo. Charges for “wear and tear beyond normal” that I don’t believe I should be blamed for.
The claim seems petty, and I’m being grossly overcharged for dirt (?) and mold stains (??) during a month of high personal expenses.
There’s been a few gut punches from life of late, and this morning’s message from my landlord created in me unexpected frustration and – I’ll be honest – a wtf attitude.
While I’m initially feeling like I have been screwed, and know I can either choose this battle and armor up or count my blessings and move on, I can’t help but feel indignant about the whole thing. At least for a morning.
Do you ever feel like you just can’t get ahead?
This last week cradled my birthday, the New Moon in Libra, and the meeting of my women’s circle, so I amped up setting my intentions (again. always.) to create and receive more flow and abundance, especially in love and money.
Truthfully, the quickest route I can see to finding this is by feeling gratitude for what is working out for me today. Then panning out from there for a bird’s eye view of my entire life journey as far as I can see it.
When I start paying closer attention to the details to seek evidence of the flow of love and money, (and good health, joy, and sleep and all the items on our shopping list for a happy life) I realize I am there already, despite any losses, delays or disappointments along the way.
Despite the picture in my head looking different from my outside world.
My birthday earlier this week was overflowing with love from friends and family both near and far.
Since I have just moved house, all I really wanted for my birthday was a parade of my friends in my new home, to christen the walls in all the ways good friends do: with food, laughter, and good vibes, which I received a-plenty.
(Please note: The walls were coated in good vibes that did not stain or mold.)
Money is en route, which is good, as bills are mounting this month. But, as any entrepreneur knows, there is an ebb and flow to this too. The trick is to align the flow of business success with the ebb of finances and then everyone can happily float.
Ebb and flow in all things.
- Productive days at work that result in high-fives. Days at work where you are ready to slam shut your laptop and smoke a cigarette.
- Healthy, active bodies that propel us forward. Sudden sickness or injuries that hinder us.
- Well rested, emotionally and mentally sound; or sleep deprived and feeling emotionally messy and mentally broken.
In times of ebb, when love, money, and health don’t seem to be delivered in all the ways we feel we need, what can we do?
Work harder? Commit desperate acts of affection (or vengeance?) Take sleeping pills or more supplements?
I think in the past I have been guilty of all the above in times of panic-induced life-saving efforts when I’m feeling short-changed in some way.
Most of us are striving for daily, uninterrupted joy in life. A life without impediments.
But also, most of us probably accept, even if we don’t like it, that life will dish up impediments with regularity.
How do we cope with these ebbs?
Focus on the flow.
It’s all we can do, really. Focus on the good stuff that is working for us, and keep making the feel-good choices.
The anger, agony, sadness – name your emotion – is legitimate. This is the ebb.
But it’s not the end of our story because a flow always follows the ebb.
Perhaps love isn’t arriving on my doorstep carrying roses and promises, but love did arrive over my birthday weekend with cake, hilarious dance moves, and an abundance of hugs.
Maybe today the cash I expected to receive back from my deposit is going to be unfairly withheld with just one text. But who knows what opportunities will arrive with just one email in my inbox tomorrow?
Focus on the flow.
I understand that when we work so hard at something we believe in, with focus, and sacrifice, and we meditate and journal – when we do all the right things – and we still can’t quite land the result we want, it’s a powerless feeling we are left with. In these times it’s difficult to look for those blessings we are told to count. To quell the rage against the injustice of it.
I realize there are far, far greater injustices in this world than a withheld deposit. We have to remember to align our outcries with a nod to the fair, relativity of a situation.
But I also feel I need to take responsibility for the flow of abundance I am seeking.
Should I rage against being charged for a repaint of my former condo? I’m at least going to kick and scream. To look at the evidence and either claim responsibility for something I missed or fight back for my dollars.
I don’t know if I’ll win. It’s a horrible feeling, the feeling of being swindled.
When it comes to these battles in life, great and small, in love and money and health and happiness, day after day, I know I can’t win them all.
But I’m damn sure going to try.
My stories are pretty good.
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